Italian Virgin « Result #1 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:49am »
Maria just got married and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin and very inexperienced around men. So, on her wedding night, while staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry Maria,' says the mother. 'Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.'
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.' 'Don't worry, Maria,' says his mother. 'All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'
So up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs.' 'Don't worry Maria. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
'So, up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing the better part of three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.
Losing Virginity « Result #2 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:49am »
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"
Stirring On Mars « Result #3 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:48am »
The US finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars. The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills. He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. He walked up to the front door and found it open. He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen, he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large sthingy. As he watched she kept stirring and stirring.
After a couple hours he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth.
She asked, "How do you do it on Earth?"
With a twinkle in his eyes he said come on back to the bedroom and I'll show you. After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever experienced he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette.
Hiding Smokers « Result #4 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:48am »
Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,"It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn't find them."
The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!"
The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.
"You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning, sister," said the pharmacist.
"What can I do for you today?"
"I'd like some condoms, please," said the nun. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,
"How many boxes would you like? There are twelve to a box."
"I'll take six boxes - that should last about a week," she replied.
The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, "Sister, what size condoms would you like - we have large, extra large, and big liar size."
The sister thought for a minute, and finally said, "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel."
Innocent Knitting « Result #5 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:48am »
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."
A Christmas Fancy « Result #6 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:38am »
Early on Christmas Day, Love, as awake I lay, And heard the Christmas bells ring sweet and clearly, My heart stole through the gloom Into your silent room, And whispered to your heart, `I love you dearly.' There, in the dark profound, Your heart was sleeping sound, And dreaming some fair dream of summer weather. At my heart's word it woke, And, ere the morning broke, They sang a Christmas carol both together. Glory to God on high! Stars of the morning sky, Sing as ye sang upon the first creation, When all the Sons of God Shouted for joy abroad, And earth was laid upon a sure foundation. Glory to God again! Peace and goodwill to men, And kindly feeling all the wide world over, Where friends with joy and mirth Meet round the Christmas hearth, Or dreams of home the solitary rover. Glory to God! True hearts, Lo, now the dark departs, And morning on the snow-clad hills grows grey. Oh, may love's dawning light Kindled from loveless night, Shine more and more unto the perfect day! by Robert Fuller Murray
The Girl of My Dream « Result #7 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:37am »
The girl of my dream Have blue sparkling eyes When I look into em, I feel like I'm drowning inside Her fair skins are smooth like milk, When she soothes lotions all over em, It tingles me inside Her hairs are soft as silk, When I brush my hands through them I recognize the fragrance of a Love Spell. A spell so strong, a love so quick, A heart was taken, a gift was sent, An angel from heaven came down to me, On the first day of December, Filling my Christmas with love and joy Her every movement so elegant, Her every blush so heartening, Her smiles, her smirks, Like lava of a volcano, Melts me down so thoroughly from the inside Her voice resounds through my body Like a lullaby, she sings me to sleep The girl of my dream Samantha Sue Coop Escudero You are so beautiful
For You I Wish « Result #8 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:37am »
I have looked at Christmas: holly red Secret Santa: rich pudding-fed: Standing with my eyes shut, on tip toe I¡¯ve stood hopefully under mistletoe. Now, like scrooge, I look at the season new I smile less and party with few And all the words of love now lie Mock silently, ruffle and die. I have looked at Christmas from both sides now From happy and sad and still somehow It¡¯s not the season that I see It¡¯s my own candied fantasy. But for you I wish the happy red show, Stockings filled with family galore; Soul food cooked in kitchens known And sleep that is sound in a bed at home. Because the spirit is not in wishing for ones self you see, And the dreams and the hopes are for your fantasy So I wish you this Christmas old love anew And silent wishes that will do come true.
A Christmas Poem « Result #9 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:37am »
Silent night Holy night Snowfall on this Christmas sight Love all around As we sing our Christmas cheer Sit around the tree Hands held high As the wind whispers a gentle Christmas sigh Gentle twinkling scattered about it¡¯s branches Snow gently falls We lift our faces to the sky Faces shine in a rosy glow Around and around we go Spinning twirling swirling in the snow The world is at peace tonight As love glows in a romantic¡¯s eye Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light Forget all the world Be at peace tonight Let the warmth of the time fill you Snow fall covers all Have a happy Christmas all
Religious Tits « Result #10 on Mar 26, 2009, 4:37am »
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife'
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man 'There is more than one type?'
'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied 'The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'
Still confused the man asked 'What is the difference between them?'
The lady responded 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
Mrs. Liu was a peasant. The driver of the BMW, Su Xiuwen, is the wife of a businessman. The initial scrape was minor, but after a confrontation, Mrs. Su drove the car into Mrs. Liu.
That yawning gap is a fundamental contradiction of China's economic boom. Wealth is pouring in, swelling the middle class, yet hundreds of millions still live in poverty.
Here in the northeast, once the country's industrial center but now mired in unemployment, it is not hard to find class bitterness rubbed raw by the case. "We ordinary people have to obey the laws," said a taxi driver. Mrs. Su, he said, does not: "She has the power. She has the privilege. She can drive wildly."
Initially, the accident barely attracted attention outside Harbin.
Then, after bystanders intervened, she returned to the car, apparently to back up. But she unexpectedly drove forward, crushing Mrs. Liu and injuring several others. The car crashed to a halt against a tree.
"My wife was dragged for six or seven meters," Mr. Dai said. He said he tried to lift her right arm but it was broken. He saw blood coming out of her mouth. "People said she was already dead," he recalled. "I was just dumbfounded."
The question at trial was whether Mrs. Su had intentionally tried to harm Mrs. Liu or had simply mistakenly put the car into first gear instead of reverse. The trial was notable for its lack of eyewitnesses, though many saw the incident.
One of them was Mr. Dai, who said he had received almost $10,000, roughly eight years' wages. He said he did not even attend the trial. "I just want peace for my family," a weary Mr. Dai said as one of his two daughters listened. "I don't care about the verdict and whether it is justice or not."
But China's "netcitizens" cared very much. Editors at Sina.com, the country's most popular Web site, said that after the verdict, more than 200,000 messages were posted to chat rooms, many suggesting corruption was to blame.
Mrs. Liu was a peasant. The driver of the BMW, Su Xiuwen, is the wife of a businessman. The initial scrape was minor, but after a confrontation, Mrs. Su drove the car into Mrs. Liu.
That yawning gap is a fundamental contradiction of China's economic boom. Wealth is pouring in, swelling the middle class, yet hundreds of millions still live in poverty.
Here in the northeast, once the country's industrial center but now mired in unemployment, it is not hard to find class bitterness rubbed raw by the case. "We ordinary people have to obey the laws," said a taxi driver. Mrs. Su, he said, does not: "She has the power. She has the privilege. She can drive wildly."
Initially, the accident barely attracted attention outside Harbin.
Then, after bystanders intervened, she returned to the car, apparently to back up. But she unexpectedly drove forward, crushing Mrs. Liu and injuring several others. The car crashed to a halt against a tree.
"My wife was dragged for six or seven meters," Mr. Dai said. He said he tried to lift her right arm but it was broken. He saw blood coming out of her mouth. "People said she was already dead," he recalled. "I was just dumbfounded."
The question at trial was whether Mrs. Su had intentionally tried to harm Mrs. Liu or had simply mistakenly put the car into first gear instead of reverse. The trial was notable for its lack of eyewitnesses, though many saw the incident.
One of them was Mr. Dai, who said he had received almost $10,000, roughly eight years' wages. He said he did not even attend the trial. "I just want peace for my family," a weary Mr. Dai said as one of his two daughters listened. "I don't care about the verdict and whether it is justice or not."
But China's "netcitizens" cared very much. Editors at Sina.com, the country's most popular Web site, said that after the verdict, more than 200,000 messages were posted to chat rooms, many suggesting corruption was to blame.
Mrs. Liu was a peasant. The driver of the BMW, Su Xiuwen, is the wife of a businessman. The initial scrape was minor, but after a confrontation, Mrs. Su drove the car into Mrs. Liu.
That yawning gap is a fundamental contradiction of China's economic boom. Wealth is pouring in, swelling the middle class, yet hundreds of millions still live in poverty.
Here in the northeast, once the country's industrial center but now mired in unemployment, it is not hard to find class bitterness rubbed raw by the case. "We ordinary people have to obey the laws," said a taxi driver. Mrs. Su, he said, does not: "She has the power. She has the privilege. She can drive wildly."
Initially, the accident barely attracted attention outside Harbin.
Then, after bystanders intervened, she returned to the car, apparently to back up. But she unexpectedly drove forward, crushing Mrs. Liu and injuring several others. The car crashed to a halt against a tree.
"My wife was dragged for six or seven meters," Mr. Dai said. He said he tried to lift her right arm but it was broken. He saw blood coming out of her mouth. "People said she was already dead," he recalled. "I was just dumbfounded."
The question at trial was whether Mrs. Su had intentionally tried to harm Mrs. Liu or had simply mistakenly put the car into first gear instead of reverse. The trial was notable for its lack of eyewitnesses, though many saw the incident.
One of them was Mr. Dai, who said he had received almost $10,000, roughly eight years' wages. He said he did not even attend the trial. "I just want peace for my family," a weary Mr. Dai said as one of his two daughters listened. "I don't care about the verdict and whether it is justice or not."
But China's "netcitizens" cared very much. Editors at Sina.com, the country's most popular Web site, said that after the verdict, more than 200,000 messages were posted to chat rooms, many suggesting corruption was to blame.
Mrs. Liu was a peasant. The driver of the BMW, Su Xiuwen, is the wife of a businessman. The initial scrape was minor, but after a confrontation, Mrs. Su drove the car into Mrs. Liu.
That yawning gap is a fundamental contradiction of China's economic boom. Wealth is pouring in, swelling the middle class, yet hundreds of millions still live in poverty.
Here in the northeast, once the country's industrial center but now mired in unemployment, it is not hard to find class bitterness rubbed raw by the case. "We ordinary people have to obey the laws," said a taxi driver. Mrs. Su, he said, does not: "She has the power. She has the privilege. She can drive wildly."
Initially, the accident barely attracted attention outside Harbin.
Then, after bystanders intervened, she returned to the car, apparently to back up. But she unexpectedly drove forward, crushing Mrs. Liu and injuring several others. The car crashed to a halt against a tree.
"My wife was dragged for six or seven meters," Mr. Dai said. He said he tried to lift her right arm but it was broken. He saw blood coming out of her mouth. "People said she was already dead," he recalled. "I was just dumbfounded."
The question at trial was whether Mrs. Su had intentionally tried to harm Mrs. Liu or had simply mistakenly put the car into first gear instead of reverse. The trial was notable for its lack of eyewitnesses, though many saw the incident.
One of them was Mr. Dai, who said he had received almost $10,000, roughly eight years' wages. He said he did not even attend the trial. "I just want peace for my family," a weary Mr. Dai said as one of his two daughters listened. "I don't care about the verdict and whether it is justice or not."
But China's "netcitizens" cared very much. Editors at Sina.com, the country's most popular Web site, said that after the verdict, more than 200,000 messages were posted to chat rooms, many suggesting corruption was to blame.
Mrs. Liu was a peasant. The driver of the BMW, Su Xiuwen, is the wife of a businessman. The initial scrape was minor, but after a confrontation, Mrs. Su drove the car into Mrs. Liu.
That yawning gap is a fundamental contradiction of China's economic boom. Wealth is pouring in, swelling the middle class, yet hundreds of millions still live in poverty.
Here in the northeast, once the country's industrial center but now mired in unemployment, it is not hard to find class bitterness rubbed raw by the case. "We ordinary people have to obey the laws," said a taxi driver. Mrs. Su, he said, does not: "She has the power. She has the privilege. She can drive wildly."
Initially, the accident barely attracted attention outside Harbin.
Then, after bystanders intervened, she returned to the car, apparently to back up. But she unexpectedly drove forward, crushing Mrs. Liu and injuring several others. The car crashed to a halt against a tree.
"My wife was dragged for six or seven meters," Mr. Dai said. He said he tried to lift her right arm but it was broken. He saw blood coming out of her mouth. "People said she was already dead," he recalled. "I was just dumbfounded."
The question at trial was whether Mrs. Su had intentionally tried to harm Mrs. Liu or had simply mistakenly put the car into first gear instead of reverse. The trial was notable for its lack of eyewitnesses, though many saw the incident.
One of them was Mr. Dai, who said he had received almost $10,000, roughly eight years' wages. He said he did not even attend the trial. "I just want peace for my family," a weary Mr. Dai said as one of his two daughters listened. "I don't care about the verdict and whether it is justice or not."
But China's "netcitizens" cared very much. Editors at Sina.com, the country's most popular Web site, said that after the verdict, more than 200,000 messages were posted to chat rooms, many suggesting corruption was to blame.
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